According to This Guy,
Brass Belt Buckles are an enigma. While they play the difficult balancing act on the fashion circuit, they’re typically a timeless piece worn in perpetuity by those who have them, like This Guy, and shelved, in perpetuity by those who are fashionable. Brass is a metal with a generally high tensile strength, a toughness (dependent on the alloy) that isn’t always present in other worn metals. It lasts generations. Yet the iconic plate This Guy portages on his package seems to regularly stymie success. Let’s investigate further…
The Brass Belt Buckle currently presents several disfunctions. It often requires shirts be tucked in and when left on the floor after a hasty removal, pose a significant threat to safety with the 15-50% Zink spike laying in wait for This Guy’s un-shod hoof to arrive. More so, The Brass Belt Buckle does not integrate well with modes of transportation This Guy loves.
- The Horse: Smashes balls in full gallop.
- The Bicycle: Causes serious chafing after mile 2;
- The Roller Skates: Clashes with hot pants (+ requires belt loops);
- The Motorbike: Scratches the gas-tank;
- The Submarine: Catches on corners in tight spaces;
- The Formula 1 Supercar: Conducts too much heat for This Guy’s Nomex suit to properly resist fire;
- The Spaceship: Pinches while in launch mode;
Yet full evaluation of The Brass Belt Buckle reveals significant strengths, as it is the regalia of the South Western social hierarchy that This Guy fully appreciates. It sets us apart from the aristocracy of the old country, but unites us with the chivalrous and debonair. The Brass Belt Buckle is a symbol of heritage and independence and doubles, or even triples, as a weapon against agressors and womanly defenses.
The Brass Belt Buckle is undeniably awesome, but how is one to function in such an uncertain world? Someday This Guy will have it figured out.